My, how time flies
Birthday season has arrived in the Sinkler household again. Because money is tight and time together is scarce, we decided to do a small combined birthday party on Sunday at Jarid’s parents’ house.
I think my children have been talking about their birthdays for six months. No lie. ”We’re gonna have birthday presents and candles and birthday cake!” (Said only as my sweet little Kaiya can say it.)
Miraculously, we were able to get them both to take naps (we really struggle with sleep when Benjamin is “off”) so we could decorate. Nothing fancy, just a few balloons and streamers. Of course, I had to wrap presents and finish the cake, too.
As expected, when they woke up and were ushered into the dining room, their eyes were huge with excitement. Kaiya had a perma-grin and Ben zeroed in on a big present.
I apologize for the picture quality. Apparently the red-eye reduction was off and some of the pictures are super bright. But, pictures nonetheless!
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- Post-nap, pre-party.
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- He’s 5!!!
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- She’s 3!!!
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- I don’t think they want cake…
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- Blowing out candles.
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- That’s how we do it here: all in one bite!
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- This is probably the only picture you’ll get of me.
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- Caught Grandma Mary coveting Benjamin’s cake!!
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- Now she’s coveting Kaiya’s!!!
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- The first presents.
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- A girl’s gotta have her Tonka trucks.
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- Checking out the coloring books.
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- He’s so handsome.
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- What a punk! Now I know where Jarid gets it!!!!
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- Lovin’ the new backpack, the one that’s almost as big as she is.
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- Seriously, she loves it.
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- Whose toy is it?
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- I think she’s going to sleep with her backpack tonight.
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- Putting puzzles together with Auntie Tara.
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- Um……
Affirmation
Turns out dairy is not such a good idea for Benjamin yet. The peacefulness we experienced on Thursday and Friday quickly disappeared on Saturday. I guess it was the calm before the storm.
Saturday afternoon, when I got home from work, it was like someone had flipped a switch with Ben. It’s really hard to describe, but really, it’s like a child on drugs. Really. I promise.
His speech deteriorates, his eyes get wide and glazed over, he loses the ability to discern whether or not we are teasing with him (which we do often), he gets super-duper hyper and more aggressive, he makes incessant noise, and suddenly thinks he cannot do anything for himself. Among other things.
What a downer. I had been so hopeful.
But I’m going to choose to be thankful. I really am. Okay, I’m going to try. And trust that the Holy Spirit will work (extra-supernaturally) in me to give me the strength and patience I need.
I am going to be thankful because all of this is just affirmation that we are doing the right thing. It reaffirms to me that I’m not just some nut-job mom who says her kid has “dietary issues” (try to imagine me sarcastically holding up my fingers in quotes) to explain his behavior. It reaffirms to me that my countless hours of reading and researching has not been in vain.
Mostly though, it’s affirmation that we should keep doing what we’re doing and keep pushing to get it all figured out.
We will.
36 hours
We’re at 36 hours since we reintroduced (raw) cheese to Benjamin’s diet.
So far, nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, this kid has been amazing today. Very sweet, very at ease. Could it be???
Or is it the calm before the storm?
(Jarid thinks I’m a pessimist. I call it realistic. I hope he wins this one.)
Fishies
Jarid bought an underwater camera so we could show off our little fishies. Benjamin, in particular, is amazing in the water. Since the middle of May, his swimming abilities have left us speechless. Gone is the little boy who timidly entered the water, holding his nose when he went under. Gone.
Instead, I stand at the other end of the pool and watch as Michael Phelps Benjamin easily swims to me, dives under to retrieve his diving rings, all with the ease of an experienced swimmer. No lessons, either! It is no coincidence that we started the diet at the beginning of May. Trust me.
Of course, Kaiya is awesome, too. 
**WARNING: Proud mommy moment ahead**
To most moms, what I’m about to tell you might not be a big deal. Actually, I’m sure it’s not a big deal at all. But to this momma, it is a big deal.
So, as overheard in the Sinkler house in the past two weeks:
“Mommy, Tiger Woods doesn’t swim, he’s a golfer!”
“Mommy, I’m just going to go around this way so I don’t accidentally spill my water.”
“Okay, mommy.” (Without arguing, I might add!)
I could continue with many more, but you’re probably bored out of your mind. Those statements in and of themselves aren’t that big of a deal. But when you consider the complexity and thought required of a four and a half year old to make those statements, it’s a bigger deal. When you consider that four months ago, we were dealing with pretty severe behavior and discipline issues. Obedience was a struggle, at best.
The days of unexplainable temper tantrums and outbursts are becoming few and further between. The super-silly faces and behavior aren’t all-day issues to deal with. The aggression continues to decline. There aren’t so many questions about random obscure objects (“what’s that?”) as there are questions about how things work (“why?”). The crazy dance and crazy look is rarer than ever.
Again, I know this doesn’t mean much to many of you. Even those of you who know us pretty well might not understand how big of a deal this is. There is no way for me to put into words the progress we’ve seen with Benjamin. Sure, things aren’t perfect. We still have some discipline issues and some behavioral issues. Some of it is breaking bad habits and learned behaviors. But honestly, there is no way to explain how this diet has changed our family.
When you consider that in March of this year, I was almost ready to give up, give in, lose my mind…
And now, my heart is bursting with pride for this dude. Really.
The Story, Part 1
It’s been a rough day. I’m not feeling the greatest, the kids got up super early, and I waited too long to get my caffeine fix. But that wasn’t the rough part.
What made it rough was seeing the expression on my son’s face, knowing it meant 1) he’d eaten something with gluten or casein and 2) it was going to be a frustrating day for both of us.
If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll notice that I haven’t talked much about how we got to a positive test result of gluten/casein intolerance. Honestly, it’s hard to talk about and some of it feels very private to me. My hope and prayer is that if I do write about it, I can help even one person avoid the rollercoaster and heartache we’ve experienced. I guess that means that I’m going to have to open up a little.
So, here we go. Please know that this really doesn’t even scratch the surface. My thoughts are incomplete here and it will take several posts to get it all out.
Imagine sitting on the floor playing with your two children. One is 2 and a half, the other is 6 months. To this point, the older child absolutely adores the baby. Then, completely unprovoked, the older child crawls over and headbutts the baby.
What would you do? Discipline, of course. Do you automatically think to yourself, “Wow, maybe this is a food problem!”??? Of course not.
Then one day, when said child is seemingly done with his nap, you bring him downstairs to sit with you on the couch, only to find yourself dealing with an over-the-top, completely whacked out temper tantrum. His eyes are closed, he is crying and hitting you in the face. After a few swift swats to his backside and some stern words, nothing is working. But then, as if a switch has been flipped, he opens his eyes and smiles at you. “Hi, Mommy!”
What?!?!
Suppose that when leaving the house with the children, you always go through the garage. One day, you need to leave something on the front porch, so everyone leaves through the front door. Suddenly, your child is so distraught over the change in routine, that he cannot function. He cannot follow simple directions and behaves as if the world has come to an end.
This child needs discipline, right?
Let’s say you ask him to put his shoes on, but there is a fuzzy on his toe. Even though he’s been talking in full sentences for quite a while, he doesn’t verbalize the problem, and refuses to obey, even after repeated discipline.
Who cares? Mom said put your shoes on, JUST OBEY! Obey, right away, all the way, with a smile on your face.
Or, let’s say that you’ve just eaten a burrito from Chipotle, complete with fajita veggies and pico de gallo. Your child comes to sit on your lap, but the situation quickly sours as your onion breath is more than he can handle. It’s not just a matter of turning away and not breathing in his face. He literally cannot function with the smell of your breath.
Ridiculous. Get over it and don’t be rude.
On a good note, when putting your child to sleep, he loves to have his arms, back, and face rubbed. However, if you stop for one moment, he loses his composure.
At some point, while on your own journey to lose the baby weight, you learn how bad refined sugar is for your body. Knowing that sugar makes kids hyper, you decide to cut out sugar from your child’s diet. You’ve known for a while that this child seems more sensitive to sugar than your baby. You see some improvement.
No matter how gentle you are, washing your child’s face is always a fight.
You grow tired of telling your child to “take it out of your mouth”.
One day, you walk around the corner and see your child, jaw clenched, eye-to-eye with the baby, acting as if he were going to squeeze or vibrate her brains out.
Warranted overreaction and automatic discipline, right? Of course.
Then you see him do it to his stuffed animals.
At some point, other parents and family members begin to reassure or encourage you. “He’s just a boy.” “Boys are just more aggressive.” ”Spare the rod, spoil the child.” “Maybe you have strong-willed child on your hands…”
You are really growing tired of telling your child to stop talking like a baby, knowing darn well he can talk like a big boy.
Some days, it seems as if your child has gotten a caffeine buzz. He gets so excited, it literally seems like the excitement is trying to escape every pore on his body. He hops and jumps. He spins around non-stop, runs like a crazed maniac from the kitchen to the living room and back, and loves having daddy throw him in the air.
Then there is the look (like the one I saw this morning). It nearly brings you to tears to see it and try to describe it. Honestly, it looks as if your child is possessed. No lie. Eyes wide open and a mischievous smile.
You easily lose your patience sitting at the table with your child. He constantly swings his legs, kicking you or the table. No amount of spankings or verbal reprimand can change the behavior. He’s not even aware that he’s doing it.
Oh, and then there’s the grinding teeth. (But of course, that doesn’t mean anything…YOU did it as a child….)
Oh, and how annoying is it to hear constant noise from your child? Whether it’s playing with a plane, a truck, or a piece of lint, it’s constant noise. “Sccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!” or “VVVVVVVVVVVVVrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!” But he’s just a boy. Boy’s do that.
Oh how frustrating to tell him again and again and again, “Do NOT ‘fly’ the plane that close to your sister’s face!” or “You do NOT need to ‘accidentally’ bump into your sister when you walk by her.”
But then he comes to sit on your lap and cuddle. Finally, a moment of sweetness. Oh wait. Nope….he just wants to squish your face or say something “icky”.
When called or asked to do something, your child does not respond immediately and you must repeat yourself fifty bajillion times.
By now, you know it’s gone beyond silly. It’s not even obnoxious. It’s beyond that. It’s not normal. You are frustrated beyond what you can handle. Fine, get a book on parenting. Get twelve. Name a book, you have it.
- The Strong Willed Child
- Raising Boys
- Bringing Up Boys
- Dare to Discipline
- Creative Discipline
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart
- Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours
- Don’t Make Me Count to Three
You read them and try their suggestions. It’s not working.
You spend hours reading, perusing internet boards about parenting and discipline techniques. You seek the advice of other parents. Most parents who have spent time around your child don’t understand what you are talking about. “He’s so good when he’s at our house!” or “I’ve never seen him do what your talking about”.
It’s not working. You figure it must be you. You are so absolutely raw and frustrated. Tired of raising your voice, losing your patience and your temper. You are tired of feeling like you are the worst, LAZIEST, meanest mommy in the world. Deep in your heart, you know there is something more, but you can’t figure it out. One day, the thought crosses your mind to drop the kids off with a friend and leave. Yep, you just need out. Maybe not permanently, but you need a break. Your heart literally feels broken when you look at your child and realize that you don’t even want to look at him or be around him. You hate yourself for not liking your child.
Try feeling that way for two and a half years (or more!) and living with in-laws for part of that!!! (O & J, if you read this, you know it’s not about you!!!)
Try being at odds with your husband over this. After all, he did a lot of this stuff, too. He acted this way. Except not. (Baby, if you read this, you know it’s not about you either!)
Now what?
As a last ditch effort, you decide to try some weird, over-the-top diet that you’ve noticed in all of your hours on the internet and with your nose stuck in a book. It seems odd to most to try to fix behavior with a diet, but you are desperate. And lots and lots of other parents have had good luck with it. Great results. When you bring it up to your husband, he reluctantly agrees, hoping this will be the last fad or gimmick. When he asks you what you’ll do if this one doesn’t work, you tell him that you are going to get counseling. If this doesn’t work, you know you are the problem and therapy and counseling is your last and only option.
So you immediately put your child on the diet, hoping for, but not expecting any result. A few days in, you check in with your husband. Does he see any improvement? He says no. You feel your heart breaking even further. You can almost feel yourself slipping into a point of irreversible dispair. But then your mother-in-law (who watches your kids once a week) comments on how amazing your child’s behavior was that day. And then your sister-in-law comments on it the next day, after watching the kids. You can see a glimmer of hope.
Then your husband needs to go on a trip with his mom. You are dreading being left alone with the kids. It’s still rough and you are contemplating having to call a counselor.
Your husband returns from his trip and he tells you about the conversation he had on the plane ride with his mom.
In reality, he HAS been seeing improvement in your child, he just doesn’t want to admit it. In talking with his mom, he finds out that he did NOT act like that as a child. His sweet mother tells him that she does not find this behavior normal for a little boy.
That flickering hope is starting to grow.
He tells you that he will be 100% behind you on this diet. He’s researched a little and has begun to see what you are talking about, understands the whole “inability to break down protein” thing.
Holy cow. Suddenly, a scene from a few weeks ago comes rushing back to you. Against your better judgement, you and your husband decide to take the kids to a 50′s diner after a long day. You decide to let them split a kid’s size milkshake, expecting to deal with a little bit of a sugar buzz. Your little girl? Yeah, she’s fine. Doesn’t even affect her. Your little boy? Within two minutes, literally two minutes, he is so buzzed and hyper, it’s almost comical. Almost comical (but not really) that it hit him so fast. You do your best to manage the situation, but eventually have to leave the restaurant so as not to disturb other patrons.
Holy cow, again. Now, on the diet, you realize that it wasn’t the sugar, but the malt in the shake. Malt has gluten. It’s like you had given him a shot of straight LSD.
Whoa.
Then comes the positive test result. You know it’s not an end-all, cure-all, but it’s certainly a start. And it’s validation.
Okay. I’m burned out just from writing that. There is still so much more to the story. But that will have to wait for another day. I need to go love on my children.
The Verdict
Benjamin’s test results came back today. To give you a quick rundown, here is the verdict:
“You have active dietary gluten sensitivity”
“It is recommended that you follow a strict and permanent gluten free diet”
“You have an autoimmune reaction to the human enzyme tissue transglutaminase, secondary to dietary gluten sensitivity”
You have an elevated fecal fat score which is usually due to “gluten-induced small intestinal malabsorption/damage when associated with gluten sensitivity”
You have an elevated level of (anti-casein) IgA antibody, at 35 units…levels “greater than or equal to 10 are indicative of an immune reaction, and hence immunologic “sensitivity” to that food. For any elevated fecal antibody level, it is recommended to remove that food from your diet”
“Gene analysis reveals that you have one of the main genes that predisposes to gluten sensitivity and celiac sprue”
“Each of your offspring has a 50% chance of receiving this gene from you, and at least one of your parents passed it to you”
“You also have a non-celiac gene predisposing to gluten sensitivity”
So what does it all mean? It means Benjamin has an autoimmune disorder that makes him unable to process gluten and casein. It means mom or dad probably passed the gene on to him and something “triggered” the gene to activate. We are in agreeance that mom probably passed it on. (Jarid hardly has ANY health problems!) It means that two and a half years of searching/struggling/wondering has finally come to an end, for good. It means this is a permanent way of life! Praise the Lord it isn’t something worse……(see the post below).
Yay for definite results.
Progress, Basketball, and Sweat
So, we’ve been doing the gluten/casein free thing for about 5-6 weeks now. I think? I really don’t think I can put into words how much of a difference it has made for all of us. Though Jarid, Kaiya, and myself aren’t strictly gfcf, I cook all of our meals that way because it’s too exhausting to even think about cooking two separate dishes for each meal. Anyway, for Benjamin, he has so much more clarity of mind, he’s much more confident, he is able to make fewer rash decisions, his behavior has improved immensely, and his comprehension level has shot through the roof. Suddenly, I have a child who can write his name with almost no help. He even tried to write the word tornado the other day. I have a child who went from not wanting to jump into the pool when daddy is right there, to a child who will run and do a cannon ball without his ”floatie”!?!?! Without having seen the “before”, you can’t even begin to understand what a huge success this is! Remember, when someone has a gluten/casein intolerance, ingesting those foods is like being on drugs. There are days where it’s almost like you can literally see the fog clear. It brings tears to my eyes.
Not only has Benjamin improved, but I can tell you with certainty, that Kaiya’s behavior has improved as a result. Not because of the gluten/casein, but because of Benjamin’s improvement. All of that leads to a less stressed mommy.
And, I continue to feel better as I make this change in my life. (I’m still waiting for the clarity of mind, though!) If I cheat and have some cheese or a piece of bread, etc…, I will pay for it the next day. My stomach turns very sour and I get really bad heartburn. REALLY bad. I won’t push the topic, but if you have some sort of ailment that has hounded you for a while, you might try going gluten free. Just try it. It won’t hurt.
So, we are almost half way through the summer basketball season. What that really means is we are half way through the tryouts. Aka: job interviews. Right now, Jarid is attending a camp where he is vying for a job opening in the JUCO (junior college) league. This is a really important stepping stone. All of the camps are important, because this is where he’ll get exposure. NCAA and NBA officials will be watching. Assignors for Division I conferences will be watching.
I was able to go watch one of his games yesterday and it was so much fun to see how he has improved just since the season ended in March. His physical stature has changed since the beginning of the season (he’s put on almost 30 pounds of muscle!!!!), but the biggest change is his confidence. I have no doubt that he will do extremely well this year….there shouldn’t be any problem getting a few JUCO games. And who knows what else may come his way.
And finally, it’s hot. I went running this morning at 5:50 and it was already hot enough that I was sweating just from the heat, not the exercise! It is actually kind of annoying that I couldn’t gauge the intensity of my workout from how hard I was sweating. I would guess that it was already 75-80 degrees out. I think I heard that it is supposed to reach 110 today.
Blech.
But praise the Lord for progress and basketball, yeah?
New Pancake Recipe and Verses and Benjamin
If you can imagine, I have found a new pancake recipe that I love. It is super simple, and extra delicious. This one is courtesy Bob’s Red Mill.
- 2 cups Teff flour (an Ethiopian, gluten-free grain!!)
- 4 tsp baking powder (gluten-free)
- 1/2 tsp sea salt
- 2 cups water
- 2 T vegetable oil
Mix dry ingredients in a bowl. Add liquid ingredients and whisk. Cook on a griddle over medium heat. (Because there are no eggs, they cook quite quickly on each side)
Tonight, I added coconut and flax meal, and we topped ours with strawberries and our pure maple syrup/agave mix. The kids loved them.
Now, about those verses. Psalm 139:14 says,
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
And Philippians 1:6 says,
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
The first is factual. We ARE fearfully and wonderfully made. It doesn’t say that we might be. It says that we are. The second verse is a promise. He WILL carry on the good work he has started in us.
So, why recipes (gluten-free!), verses, and Benjamin? Because we have recently found that Benjamin is gluten-intolerant (and probably possibly dairy or casein intolerant). And because God’s word promises that Benjamin is fearfully and wonderfully made. Even with a simple protein intolerance. And God’s word also promises that He will carry on a good work in Benjamin’s life. He will carry it on to completion, even in the midst of a crazy-strict new diet. Even in the midst of a world filled with gluten and casein! (I also think this means he will carry on a good work through Jarid, Kaiya, and myself!!!)
Someday, I may write about our journey to that discovery. For now, suffice it to say that this a brand new boy. No lie.
We covet your prayers as we take on a new giant.
Feel free to comment or email me if you are interested in hearing more or have questions. There will definitely be more to come on this particular issue.
First Camping Trip of ’08
Jarid and I actually had a day and a half off together, so we decided to take the kiddos camping. We went last year, in July, and had a pretty good time. This trip is our second time with the kids. Last time, there were fire restrictions. This time, we made it before the restrictions kicked in (today!).
We left Sunday morning, with the intent of finding a church in Payson. As you can imagine, nothing went according to plan and we ended up starting the trip with breakfast at IHOP (yeesh). The kids LOVED the boysenberry syrup…go figure…if you can actually call it syrup! My deepest apologies to those who love IHOP. Nonetheless, it was fun. Especially with “Big John” as our server. Ben and Kaiya loved calling him Big John. Yikes.
Off to Payson, where the next stop was Wal*Mart. Probably not the best idea on a Sunday, in a little mountain community….I think the entire town was there. Plus tourists. I think that, what should have been a 20 minute trip, took 90 minutes. I’m sure 80 of those minutes were spent in the checkout line. You know how Wal*Mart has 20 lanes, but only 2 open? Yeah. Like that.
Poorer and more frazzled, we crammed our stuff into the Honda and headed for Tonto Creek. Found the campground, then drove to the fish hatchery a few miles up the road. The kids loved seeing the big fish. So did Ben and Kaiya!
After feeding the fish, we headed back to set up our tents. Yep, plural. Tents. This is a big step for a girl who was terrified of camping growing up. Click here to find out why. (It starts in the second paragraph, and should be noted that this happened about 30 miles from where I grew up. It should also be noted that, if I am correct, my dad dated Sandra way back in the day….sorry, dad, if I’m not right.)
Anyway, the tents.
The kiddos got pretty dirty while we set up the tents, so we walked down to Tonto Creek to play around a bit. Ben had a blast throwing rocks in and Kaiya, well, she went for a swim! Nothing too crazy, but she and Daddy had LOTS of fun!
After that, it was dinner time. We roasted hot dogs and chicken/apple brat thingies. And marshmallows. I’ve been informed that you CANNOT go camping without marshmallows. Kiddos got dirty again.
Then it was time for bed. Cute, cute
Once they were asleep, it was finally time for dad and mom to relax. It was so nice for Jarid and I to just sit and talk. And look up at the stars. And miss Colorado. And miss Montana.
Once we climbed into our tent, we realized that we had failed to properly prepare for this trip. It was cold during the night. Being the momma that I am, I got a little nervous in the middle of the night and decided to climb in with the kiddos to make sure they were warm enough. Apparently, Jarid got a little colder after I moved.
Needless to say, he was the first one up in the morning and got a nice roaring fire going for us. We had fruit and cereal for breakfast before packing up and heading home.
All in all, it was fun. We made a list of the things we’ll need to get for next time…and we’ll probably make a master list so we don’t forget anything.
I don’t think I ever would have imagined myself doing this. Guess I was wrong!
